{Photo: www.elcivics.com}
I stole a car from the pre-school parking lot yesterday. Almost. And accidentally. Luckily, my downward spiral into a life of crime was thwarted by my three year-old. It all happened so fast.
Things were crazy at the end of this week and I just wasn’t in top form. I took the baby with me to pick up my son from pre-school. Usually I’m at work — but because my nanny was caring for her ill mother, I stayed home and was happy to get the chance to go to pick-up. All of this is to say that I don’t really know the parents of my son’s classmates because I’m that mom they never see. Anyway.
The pre-school parking lot is an SUV flash mob — it’s almost comical. Suburbia Central Casting. You’d be hard-pressed to find a mid-sized vehicle without a third row.
So I walk over to our car, which looks like every other car in the lot, and I open the back door (I left it unlocked). It looks dirtier than usual to me and somehow just a bit off. I couldn’t put my finger on it. But my nanny drives it during the week, so the reality is that I’m not the best person to ask how it looks Monday through Friday. So I didn’t think much of it.
I begin to load the baby into the car seat and the straps aren’t fitting her. And I start to have this moment of slow realization that something isn’t quite right, but my brain isn’t really catching up. It’s cold and I’m getting pissed about adjusting the straps, and then I take a good look at the car seat — and something about it is different. Really different.
It has flowers on it. Our car seat doesn’t have…
“Mommy, this isn’t our car,” says the three year-old.
Oh my God. It’s not our car.
{Oh my God. Someone has a messier car than we do. This is great news.}
And as I take my child out of the car seat that does not belong to us from the vehicle that is not registered to me, the whole silly episode would have been done. Except, as I closed the door, standing right there is the rightful owner of the car, waiting to place his daughter into her flowered car seat with the straps configured to her height and weight, not my daughter’s. Oh, and it’s one of the parents from my son’s class — one who probably already thinks I’m a Phantom Absentee Parent. And now also a novice car thief. Perfect.
The look on his face was somewhere between disturbed and confused. I have no idea what look was on my face but I can assure you it was no photo opportunity.
I apologize profusely and nervously stammer something about not being able to get far without the keys. I then point to my own car, two spots over, which, in my defense, is the same model and color — just so he knows I’m not certifiable, or criminal.
My son’s friend then pipes up with: “Why is your mommy trying to take our car?”
I wonder if this is a good time to ask about the next PTA meeting. Probably not. I decide against it and enter our legally owned vehicle, where the non-flowered car seat straps fit just fine.
Freakin’ hilarious! Thanks; I needed some hilarity.
Glad my cluelessness made your day better. I’m here for you.
Oh boy! This had me crying.
Just think, if you were perfectly aware of your surroundings, no blog today. I’m glad you sacrificed “face” for the benefit of your readers. 😀
Thanks. What you’re saying, much more elegantly, is that you all benefited from my head being up my ass, yes?
Yeah, that’s it.
I think you are an awesome writer. I really enjoy Fordeville! Keep up the hilarious subject posts. hope the family is keeping well.
Thanks Sheila — I appreciate it!
This is hilarious, you write so well, I feel like I was part of this most heinous, yet fictional crime scene..
Thanks Jan. I wish you had been there with me — I could have blamed the whole thing on you 🙂
Been there…done that. I chalk it up to mommy brain and being out of your routine. I have also left the car seat with the child sleeping in it in our laundry room as I drove away. My three year old reminded me of the baby on the way out of the neighborhood!
Thank goodness we have three year-olds to keep us honest!
You lucked out, dude. You tried to steal one of the father’s rides. (If it was one of the mothers who witnessed this offense, you might need to switch pre-schools.)
“Why is your mommy trying to take our car?” Love it!
You’re so right. My humiliation would have been tenfold if it was another mom.
You make my DAYS with your blog
How nice are you! And boring your days must be 🙂
BWAHAHAHA! Of COURSE the rightful owner of the car busted you. Doh! Too funny. I got into the wrong rental car once because I could not for the life of me remember what it looked like the next morning in the hotel parking lot. People should really lock their car doors. 🙂 Time traveling (a day late) from By Word of Mouth.
Thanks for stopping by!
ROFL that is hilarious!!!! Omg I’ve done that!! One time (about a year ago) I got into a car that was identical to mine on the outside; then I get in and I’m sitting in the driver’s seat and I’m like: ‘Wait a second I don’t have a beige interior! OMG I don’t have a tree air freshener!!’ Needless to say I got out fast! ; )