Perched on the Cusp

Here in the finally-thawed Northeast, we still have about six weeks of school left. Six weeks is a long time. That’s still a lot of homework and boxtops and lunches. Dear God, the fucking lunches.

But with the warmer weather and the endless barrage of camp ads coming at me, begging me to get my shit together and figure out how to avoid nine weeks of “I’mmmmm borrrrred,” the summer is beckoning. The shorts are slowly replacing the pants in our wardrobes. The grill is moving from a covered snow receptacle to the promise of an actual, food preparation mechanism (soon). Hell, it’s even time to reject the local CSA with a big “I don’t fucking think so” after last year’s death-by-produce-overdose.

And so here we sit, somewhere in limbo. The homework is growing so very tiresome. The reading logs never die. The after-school schlepping is practically on sad auto-pilot, begging for an end date.

It’s an odd time of the year. I’m sort of halfway to the land of mentally checked out, dreaming up summer vacations and outdoor dinners and warm nights with white wine on the deck. It lingers there, within reach. Summer is so, so close. And with that comes the promise of looser rules, bended bedtimes and fewer commitments. I can taste it.

But I also have a lifelong problem with transitions and fearing that some delightful stretch of time is almost over before it has even begun. I can dread the end of a vacation before I’ve even arrived there. I mourn when Christmas is over as I’m still wrapping gifts and waiting for Santa. I read about the importance of being present and it does nothing because I’m already reading the next paragraph. It’s a giant character flaw.

So I like the cusp of things the best. The eve of an event. The anticipation just before it happens because then it can’t yet be over. It’s still ahead of me, with all of its promise.

summer

And that’s where I stand right now, on the cusp of summer. It is barreling toward us and we can’t wait. We earn that time, damn it – we pay for it with nine months of homework and carpools and schedules. With months of winter coats and layers and polar vortex-y claustrophobia.

And this is our reward, our respite, our reboot.

But as much as I wish it here, I don’t. Because it truly, magically flies. And then my kids will be a grade older and everything changes all over again.

I’m not ready to think of them at the next level – third grade and first grade (in the same school, for the first time ever) and the baby in pre-school. {Shut up, I’m not crying.}

I want to hold onto them in their sunscreen-slathered, chlorinated glory, cannonballing and clocking hours on end in the water. I want to preserve the feeling of not rushing to school, of not having homework hanging over us, of not fulfilling a to-do list a mile long.

So, I’ll enjoy my perch here, on the cusp of summer, for the next few weeks. I’ll pack the remaining school lunches and dream of our warm weather adventures, knowing that the clock is still in our favor for a while longer.

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Eight

I get a little crazy when my kids have birthdays. I’m not a fan of math, but my mind starts racing with numbers whenever it’s time to add a candle to a cake. Eight. Eight is twice as big as when he was four. Eight is four times as big as when he was just […]

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Return to Sodor

They’re two, they’re four, they’re six, they’re eight… He’s baaaa-aaaaack. Like a flashback from our early parenting days. My youngest has recently proven a highly scientific hypothesis of mine that I’ve firmly believed since 2008: Either your kid has the Thomas the Tank Engine gene, or (s)he doesn’t. While my daughter never cared much for […]

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A Mom’s Guide to FitBit Victory

You know the old adage: The road to fitness is paved with distractions and kale. And accidental cookies. I got a FitBit for Christmas and, if I’m being honest, I was sort of lukewarm about the whole thing, even if it was my idea. Its shiny lights were there to blink accountability at me and […]

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3,653 Days of Marriage

We were lucky. For a February day in New York City, we were very lucky. Sure, it was cold and I think it even flurried, but we had none of this Polar Vortex/endless tundra nonsense or snowstorms. I remember our parents being more than incredulous when we chose a February wedding date. Really? February? There wasn’t […]

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Coming Soon: I Still Just Want to Pee Alone

I wish I had more time to write. With each crashing item my toddler throws to the ground or Code Red bodily harm situation he puts himself in around the house, I have less and less time on my hands. My blog feels a little dusty (was that a tumbleweed I just saw fly by […]

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The 10-Hour Brunch

Maybe the tires weren’t actually screeching out of the driveway, but they felt that way when I got in the car by myself (what, now?) to make the drive to Brooklyn. It was just a Saturday brunch, for a few hours maybe. But it was long-planned. And canceled. And rescheduled. And highly anticipated. It was […]

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The Third Child Will Be Mellow, And Other Lies People Tell

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while. Hell, I’ve been wanting to write any post at all for a while. But I have to make it quick, because I have a very limited window before my 19 month-old attempts any of the following: Pulling discarded food out of the trash for snack time […]

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Lessons Learned Over Winter Break

Greetings from the ongoing wreckage of Hurricane Christmas! If all goes according to schedule, I should have all remnants of this holiday cleaned up just in time for July 4th. I used to think that today — the first “real world” day of back to school, work, etc. — was the most depressing day of […]

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Tidings of Discomfort (and Joy)

Turns out there’s a fine line between thriving and cracking under pressure. I truly love Christmas. I do. But I am willing to admit, with 15 days to go, that I maaaaaay have taken on a tad more than I can handle. Am I excited to have 25 people over on Christmas Day? Yes! Honestly, I […]

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