The Day the Bacon Died

TO: Residents of Fordeville FROM: Señor, Head Household Pet & Chief Bacon Officer RE: THE DIET. DATE: November 21, 2013 ______________________________________   Thanks so much for that extraneous trip to the vet last weekend. That was fucking awesome. Did I need vaccinations? No. Was I sick? Uh, negative. But you just had to take me [...]

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Treading Water

<Taps microphone> Is this thing on? Does it still work? Is anyone out there? Oh good. That was a long blog hiatus for me — my longest ever. It wasn’t deliberate. I tried to come back sooner, but everything I typed looked something like this: Louaoiejnfwoiern xoiernwml owerucustiwern. More or less. I’m a good swimmer. [...]

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The Secret Post-Baby Workout

You know what I love? Seeing those highly realistic Body After Baby articles in women’s magazines. And they’re even better when they have photos, aren’t they? Because a side of self-loathing goes a long way with the six total minutes I can spend daily, on average, reading on an uninterrupted basis. Since the baby was born in [...]

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Parenting, The Disney Vault Way

I spent Friday afternoon watching The Little Mermaid with my kids. I had waited a long time to share this — one of my favorite Disney movies — with them, because, until now, it has not been available to purchase on DVD in their lifetimes. Sure, we could have watched the VHS version my mom [...]

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The Pumpkinization of America

A few days ago, I posted a little tidbit on Facebook that I feared might get me fired from the Internet. Or from living in America: I ducked my head and waited for the backlash. I know that PSL Nation is a loyal bunch and they show little mercy. When I came up for air [...]

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You Say It’s Your Birthday

  It’s not my birthday, per se. It’s the blog’s birthday — The Fordeville Diaries turns three today! {Well, technically yesterday, but that was 9/11.} Three years. 265 posts. Ah, they grow up so fast, don’t they? Where does the time go? It has been quite a year, if I do say so myself. Let’s [...]

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Just Them

  I would not normally put the phrases “town pool” and “perfect day” together — for a variety of reasons that are probably obvious to you. But it happened. Just as we were wrapping up summer. I actually hadn’t been to the pool all summer. It has just been easier for my husband to take [...]

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Sea Air

It has been a strange summer. Our baby was born just before school ended in June. And so, it has been a hectic few months. On the one hand, having a summer baby is great. No crazy winter clothing. Easier schedules and less schlepping the newborn around to the older kids’ activities. On the other [...]

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Lessons Learned From A Breaking Bad Marathon

I’m always behind when it comes to watching top-rated TV shows. 24? Never saw an episode. The Sopranos? It took me a few years to get up to speed {shhh — this could get my New Jersey residency revoked}. Homeland? Don’t get me started. The one exception was Lost. I am fluent in all things [...]

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It’s a Confetti & Lipstick Day

I have some really exciting news today. I’ve been waiting a while to share this. NO, I’M NOT HAVING ANOTHER BABY. RELAX. My eight week-old son finally gave me six consecutive hours of sleep. It was glorious. The colors of the world seemed brighter. Food tasted better. I completed full sentences. I considered throwing him [...]

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