Yeah, so I’ve been hanging around with a bad influence again. One I swore off years ago. But I had a recent moment of weakness somewhere around aisle six.
Everyone has, at some point, had a bad romance and stayed with someone who’s no good for them. Sometimes you hide it. Or justify it. Or ultimately leave — only to determine later that maybe that person “wasn’t so bad” after all. And that just never ends well, does it?
Such is the sad history of Nutella and me. Star-crossed lovers who can’t make it work. Unless “making it work” means that I plan to grow my ass tenfold.
Look, I’m not stupid. But I am tired and, at times, a sucker for good marketing — when its messages conveniently meet my needs.
Like this.
A wholesome breakfast for my kids? Uh, no (not yet, anyway — let’s not be hasty about the future). But as an occasional snack for me? Hey, it’s a good little dip for my healthy fruit slices.
Or, alternatively, I could skip the fruit and just dip a large serving spoon into the jar and eat as is. {Details, details.}
But, hey, it’s skim milk! And wholesome hazelnuts! And pure cane sugar! You aren’t so bad for me after all!
Oh, Nutella. You sneaky minx. You almost had me again.
But, I’m not alone. People around the world are falling prey to the Nutella advertising.
Like the Dutch. Apparently, they don’t mind a kid waking up the whole family by digging into a jar of chocolate before sunrise (did you see the clock reading 5:33 am?) — hey, let’s make it a party! But they’ve also legalized pot. I think the two are related. Just saying.
The Germans have turned it into some wacky, four-minute infomercial with French rivalry. You only need to see the first 20 seconds to get the idea. Are these guys like the Billy Mays of Germany? I feel if I stayed tuned in, I might get Der Oxy Clean or Der Shamwow free with my purchase.
And, my God, I love the Italians. It’s practically a Nutella orgy.
Luckily, I’m smarter than that. Mostly.
The truth is, you’re no good for me, Nutella. It’s over.
Again. For real, this time.
As soon as this jar is finished.
I recently saw a recipe for homemade Nutella toaster pastries. Warm Nutella in pastry? Sold!
OK, you’re not helping!
And I believe the technical term for that item is crack.
We did Nutella rehab months ago, but it still beckons me…
And yes, spread it in some crescent roll dough, then roll ’em up and bake ’em. Mmmmm!
Oh no, I might have to go back into treatment (after this next jar…)
I’m drooling over here. Nutella and crescent rolls sounds divine. 🙂
{Looking in fridge to see if I have a can of those crescent rolls. You know, in case anyone stops by.}
i can sooo relate to this. i have been hitting our jar heavily lately. in fact, my husband has taken to assessing the state of my day by the amount of nutella i eat at night. it is not good that summer is coming. i think i might need a nutella intervention.
That’s hysterical — you have a NutellaMeter.
If you need an intervention, I fear you have come to the wrong place. I’m just a big enabler.
My kids don’t like it! I know! They have to be aliens implanted in my womb during multiple forgotten abductions.
So, when I buy a jar and try to sneak it into the kids PBN&Js, they don’t fall for it. Who has to eat the abandoned sandwiches? Well, I can’t let good food go to waste. Am I insensitive to the needs of the hungry? Do I glorify waste and excess? Well, *nom, nom, nom* I do not!
First, I’m so sorry. A DNA test is clearly in order.
Second, I’m so proud that you have done the right thing in these tough circumstances. Weaker women might just throw the jar away.
Yeah, that shiz is goooood! I’m addicated to Coke…a-Cola. It’s horrible.
Ah, the soda junkie — I know your kind. That’s a tough one. I fear if you mix Nutella and Coke, your head might implode.
I’ve never had Nutella but I think I should stay far, far away from it. I don’t want my ass to grow tenfold.
Like any gateway drug, I wish I had just stayed away.
You know how I feel about Nutella. It’s hazelnut-flavored crack. Lucky for me, I only discovered it at the age of 44 and realized very quickly that it is a demon in a jar, albeit a fun demon. Review of my nutrition/exercise journal shows the most weight gained in the shortest amount of time the week I was jonesing for it and succumbed to the cravings–eating an entire jar in a week (because I can’t not do that once I start). No more Nutella for me.
Margaret, your story gives us all hope that we can kick it for good. Thank you 🙂
Once again the Fordeville Diaries amuse me ; ) I myself have never even laid eyes on a jar of Nutella, I’ve only seen pics posted by a few I “follow”, but I was never tempted. Until now. But I think I’ll be wise and stay away as I have enough problems already ; )
I don’t know if you’re lucky or cursed to never have tried it. But I think you can see from all of the comments of our ad-hod rehab group here — perhaps it’s best to forget you ever saw this post. (But I’m glad you stopped by and enjoyed it.)
I was a Nutella junkie for years, until I discovered Biscoff spread. Now I alternate between the two, and my peanut butter sits in the back of the cabinet, silently cursing me.
Note to self: Must try Biscoff. Thanks (I think).
🙂
In honor of ridiculous nutella logic (whole grains are healthy, nutella makes kids eat whole grains, therefore nutella is healthy)— I coined the term “breakfast dessert”. Breakfast dessert should be eaten after eggs and before lunch and involves nutella spread on some sort of breakfast grain— toast, waffle, crepe etc.
It won’t do any favors for your ass though.
I like it. It feels very European — and, therefore, totally chic and acceptable.
But not to be cofused with the very American “breakfast for dinner” concept. Or is that just me?
I’ll take your Oprah and raise you a Nutella. Not a fan of the hazelnuts, but oh do I love my Mrs. Winfrey!
Oops. Ms. Duh.
No to Nutella and yes to Harpo? Oh my. Now I’m sure The Rapture is imminent 🙂