Greetings from The Polar Ice Cap, otherwise known as New Jersey. We have 15 new inches of snow today in my town. We haven’t seen a patch of our lawn since Christmas Day. People are getting cranky. Our local Home Depot is bringing in spare snow blowers from its Utah locations to keep up with demand. It has been quite a winter, and it’s only January.
But I don’t mind all of this. I’m a freak — I sort of love it. Always have.
There’s the beauty.
The quiet.
Kids in pajamas. Hot chocolate. Baking. (Or, slicing pre-made cookie dough and placing it in the oven until gooey. But whatever — it counts, right?)
{Are you kidding me? What about the shoveling, the freezing cold, the cranky kids crawling up the walls, the grocery store madness and the treacherous driving? What do you have to say about that? HUH?}
Yeah, yeah, all that gets annoying. I’m not toally zen, trust me. But I just like a good snowy winter for the most part.
So here’s my real guilty pleasure in a snow storm. Two words: Storm Watch. It’s true, I love to watch it unfold on the news — and it’s always in three distinct stages.
The Before: Watching the system, looking at the projected track, timing, etc. The interviews with the sand truck guys. The lame statements from transit companies and the local government. The footage of people in the supermarket or at the hardware store, saying ridiculous things, buying obscene amounts of supplies for The End of Days.
The During: I love me some good shots of the road conditions, the sanders in action and the complaining jerks who still drive for non-essential purposes, despite all warnings (see Before). And of course, the reporters assigned to the wretched “stand in the heart of the storm and report back live” assignment. (Full apologies to my dear friend R, who has this very job at times. But she rocks it.) The storm timeline is honed and the anticipated total snowfall refined — complete with the scrolling ticker of local school closures. Bring. It.
[Side note: As a kid in a very rural town, the most reliable way to find out if school was delayed or canceled was to listen for a series of sirens to sound from the local volunteer fire company. No, I’m not kidding. Yes, I’m 100 years old. Perhaps smoke signals or carrier pigeons would have worked as well.]
Ooooh and the airport sleepers. Love them. That’s kind of heartless — sorry. I’m sure my mom taught me better than to have my entertainment come at the expense of folks sleeping on a nasty chair at JFK. Clearly, karma will come full circle on me one day.
The After: The Man on the Street interviews complaints. The government cleanup, or lack thereof. The statistics — often accompanied by The Surprise Factor (“Folks, we sure didn’t anticipate this one to be quite so bad.”) And then the big pièce de résistance — Oh, I do love a good, final, official, going-in-the record-books snow accumulation chart.
And I secretly love to win, or at least place well, in the rankings. (“You guys got 5 inches? Oh, really? It must have turned to sleet earlier for you. We got 9.77489 at the top of the last hour…I, uh, heard.”).
Just to be clear — because I don’t want anyone to misunderstand. I don’t revel in anyone’s injury or peril. I’m not pro-hypothermia and I don’t ever find car accidents amusing. At all. I totally respect the overtime and hard work that all kinds of professions put in during a snow storm to keep us safe. And I don’t want anyone delivering a baby on the side of an icy highway. So, remember, I’m talking about the rest of it — the fluff, the collective madness of a snow storm. That is where my nerdy Storm Love resides.
***End of ethical disclaimer***
So. Everyone is already groaning about a few new inches that we’re expecing over the weekend. Fine by me. And then, there’s some vague reference from the meterologists along the lines of “Let’s not even get into what’s possibly on the radar for Tuesday.” Yes, they are now just about withholding information because the Metro NYC area’s collective psyche just can’t handle any more thoughts of snow.
Except me — I’m tuned in and ready for The Before to begin. Again.
{All TV shots courtesy WABC-TV NY}
You are a total nerd. And I adore you for it.
Heh. Thanks. At a minimum, you have to give me points for consistency.
Those poor airport sleepers. I’m tempted to head on over and hand out copies of my novel, lavendar-scented pillows, and snuggly blankies. Oh, and home-baked goodies. Airport pajama party!!!!
See, now I was thinking more along the lines of a courtesy flask or gift card to Cinnabon.
So funny – I was just telling some friends today about the “series of sirens” we prayed to hear come morning. How things have changed…
I seriously thought I might have made that up in my head, until some other people verified it for me — it just seemed like it couldn’t possibly be true a mere 20 — ok, 25 — years ago. But I distinctly remember waiting in bed, listening for those sirens.
I love the snow….but I wouldn’t mind a few days off!!
AHEM.
I have covered many such snow storms myself (yes – I was one of the cliched reporters, in a bright station-issued coat, red nose, lip gloss on, freezing to death, on the side of the road, saying very clearly, “Officials advise you to stay at home if at all possible. Conditions are dangerous and you shouldn’t be driving.” Did I mention I’m standing on the side of the road, next to the live truck WE DROVE THERE?)
I just wanted to make it clear, it’s not fun to tell the same formulaic stories over and over again. It’s just what people expect. And I do take a measure of comfort knowing that you enjoy the coverage. Over and over again. That will warm the cockles of my heart the next time I’m knee-deep in “the white stuff.” Have a second mug of hot cocoa for me.
Kim! I was trying to preserve your glamorous image by not outing you 🙂
But I do love that, in the list of what the on-site coverage entails — between red nose and freezing to death — you included lip gloss. You so rock. And if I were anywhere on the west coast, you would be always my go-to Storm Watch gal.
Clifton at 19 inches – that’s me! we’re number one! WE’RE NUMBER ONE!
Grrrrrrr. I am waiting for a judge’s ruling on this one.
Here in New England, our snowbanks are 47 feet high! No lie! In order to pull out of our street, my wife has to get out of the car, step into (potentially) oncoming traffic, wait for an opening, and then run back, dive in the jeep and say “punch it, now, go now for the love of god”!
And that’s just so we can get to the grocery store…in hopes of finding that one last loaf of bread that someone may have missed…on the bottom shelf…wayyyy in the back (that green stuff…you can just cut that off). And don’t forget the milk…wait, there’s no milk??? Ummm….maybe soy milk? Nah….how about we just buy some half and half and dilute it with water.
Of course, we went to the store because we actually needed this stuff…when was the last time you were unable to get to the store for a week? OK…blizzard of ’78, perhaps, but really?
And yes…your Tuesday snow will be knocking on our door Wednesday and Thursday up here…and I’m supposed to be flying out at 6:30 Thursday morning to head to Utah…wait, they haven’t gotten squat for snow this year? Time to rethink those travel plans!
🙂
OK, I am totally laughing at the image of you and LD pulling out of the driveway. But here’s the thing: You live in Massachusetts. You signed up for this! Well, not “this” like the current ridiculous snowfall totals but, in general, you Pats lovers have got to see this as a way of life in the winter, no? (Incidentally, I loved my Storm Watch Boston years.)
You may consider getting your own cow if this keeps up — no more worries about milk supplies at the store.
Have fun in Utah, though you will arguably have better skiing near home this year.
Pats lover? Hey…I resemble that remark!
Since I’m in Austin, I’m addicted to the Allergy Forecast. I plan my Benadryl addiction accordingly.
So my snow total chart is your pollen count chart. I like it.