Bubbly With a Side of Irony

Fordeville Vacation Week continues!  {Is it snowing at home yet?}

I’m so excited to have my dear friend Kim Holcomb writing here today.  As she references below, we go back quite far.  1996, to be exact.  Two gals maxed out on student loans in pursuit of some crazy dreams via graduate school.  She was there to study Broadcast Journalism and I was there for Screenwriting. 

She made the wiser choice. 

She is, in fact, a fabulous TV personality on KING-TV in Seattle.  But not just a pretty talking head!  Smart as a whip, political junkie, style maven and mom of two kids to boot.  And Tweeter extraordinaire.  I won’t give it all away — find out all about her on her blog and follow her on Twitter. 

And, as a hard-hitting journalist, she bravely tackles my two vacation questions below.  One day, she is interviewing your favorite film stars and the next, she shares her thoughts below on booze and TV.  I know you’ll love her as much as I do.

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If I were to describe my relationship with Fordeville in an anecdotal screenplay, it would go something like this: 

SCENE: New York City. Somewhere near the financial district… I think… we’d walked a few blocks… who am I kidding, it could have been the Upper West Side for all I know. 

Anyway. 

SCENE: New York City. An oaky, dimly-lit restaurant featuring Italian/Asian fusion cuisine. Fordeville gives the name for our reservation, and upon being seated, it’s clear no reservation was necessary. 

FORDEVILLE: There’s something wrong with this place. 

ME: What do you mean? (takes drink from glass of water) 

FORDEVILLE: There’s only two other tables seated. (pause) I think we have to leave. 

ME: (pause) Seriously? 

FORDEVILLE: Yes. I hope you don’t mind. I just think we should go somewhere more lively. 

ME: (glances down shamefully at half-empty glass of water) Should we make up an excuse? 

FORDEVILLE: (looks surprised by the question) No. l’ll just tell them we decided to go somewhere else. 

HOSTESS SEEMS UNFETTERED BY FORDEVILLE’S EXPLANATION.  EXIT STAGE LEFT TO LIVELIER, MORE POPULATED RESTAURANT. GREAT TIME HAD BY ALL. 

Now I know how to unapologetically leave an unimpressive situation. 

And that’s par for the course. Ever since I first met Fordeville more than a decade ago, she’s inadvertently taught me how to live out loud. In a smart, funny, poised, irreproachably honest way. 

So it’s with some irony that I’m now here, in her absence, recommending how SHE should live whilst on vacation. 

Having said that, I’m all about irony. So let’s get cracking. 

First up: “What is your must-have vacation cocktail?” 

That’s easy. Champagne. An entire bottle, if possible. 

This stems from two truths deeply imprinted in my mind.

Number one: “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.” Holly ALWAYS has champagne in the apartment. It’s the staple of a glamorous, rail-thin, unhinged woman. Which I aspire to be. So I favor champagne in an effort to transform. 

Number two: champagne signifies celebration. And when I’m actually on a vacation, away from work, commutes, tantrums (hopefully,) and mundane chores, THAT’S REASON TO CELEBRATE. 

Champagne is a universal drink of “YAY!” It’s gender and weather neutral. In many ways, it’s the perfect beverage. So whether a holiday is spent in the snowy mountains of Whistler, BC or on the shores of a tropical island, I view champagne as the appropriate choice. 

Second question: “What show must I record on the DVR while I’m away?” 

I’m pretty sure Fordeville specifically asked this one for no other reason than to stump me. Because she knows, in the same way I could never name my favorite movie, it’s impossible for me to narrow down my television viewing. 

I blame my parents. They limited my teevee watching as a child. PBS only. Maybe some C-SPAN or 60 Minutes if I behaved. Did I mention this was at age 7? 

In my lifelong rebellion, I became a television reporter and ardent supporter of all things remote-able. So rather than just naming just one choice, please indulge me in a brief-ish list. 

1. Top Chef All-Stars (because it’s a perfectly executed reality show. With gratuitous shots of cheese, wine, and Fabio.) 

2. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (this may not count since I believe the series is over. But a former child star from “Little House on the Prairie” and her sister, another child star from “Escape to Witch Mountain,” are featured. YOU CAN’T LOOK AWAY.) 

3. Big Love (not my favorite HBO show, to be sure, but the only one that’s not in hiatus right now. And this season has some pretty decent moments, with the promise of a girl fight. Fingers crossed.) 

4. 30 Rock (because you just never know when Liz Lemon is going to put on another “I give up” outfit. Fanny pack? Indeed. Comedy gold.) 

5. Luther (again, the season is technically over. But it’s a BBC show, so in the space/time continuum, maybe we can pretend it’s new? Either way, it’s a gripping, intelligent, very British modern detective drama starring the incredibly sexy Idris Elba – of “The Wire” fame. Speaking of which, if you haven’t watched “The Wire,” throw out all of the suggestions above and get yourself some Netflix action.) 

So there you have it. My attempt to impart my limited wisdom on Fordeville. And possibly you. 

Take it for what it’s worth, and feel free to comment/criticize freely. I’ll be fine. There’s champagne chilling in the fridge.