As my kids get older and increasingly pick up on everything I’m saying, it’s clear that I need to do a better job of speaking in code. There are a few good reasons for this.
1) I think it might minimize parent-child conflict.
For example: “Spinach” should be “green pudding.” Or something equally enticing (suggestions welcome).
2) It seems that, on occasion, my everyday vernacular could render me ineligible for Mother of the Year.
Like when I’m driving: “That dipshit moron driver in front of me” should be “that nice man who really should just take the bus.”
Or when I’ve had enough of someone: “That crazy-ass judgmental psycho who won’t mind her own business about where we’re going to pre-school next year“ should be “that curious mommy who sure does ask a whole lot of questions.”
3) Then there’s Disney World. P and I are probably going to take the kids there in March, but it’s not firmed up yet. As we get the planning underway (I know, I’m behind), I have to stop openly invoking the WDW name in front of the kids. From across the house, they hear a mention of Disney World, their ears perk up and they come running in, at the speed of light, with a series of questions you might expect:
“Are we going to Disney World?” Maybe.
“Are we going today?” No, not today.
“Tomorrow?” No, not tomorrow. Mommy and Daddy have to pull up a vast spreadsheet comparing the dizzying amount of WDW cryptic pricing information designed to cause seizures. We can’t just go in there without a position on whether or not to do the Park Hopper Pass and the meal plan — are you insane?
“How many days until we go?” Uh, I didn’t say we were going. But if we do go, it might be in March. Maybe. Do you want some green pudding?
“Can we count the days until March?” Do you want chocolate cake? For breakfast?
See how this isn’t working? I need some code words for WDW so two small heads don’t explode with vacation questions for the next month and a half. I’m considering the following alternatives as the planning process continues:
“We’ll need to pull out our summer clothes from the attic to pack for our trip to Disney the working farm co-op.”
“How long is the drive from my mom’s place to Disney the Amish Loom Museum?”
“Is it just me, or does the pricing for Disney Restoration Hardware resemble that of an additional mortgage?”
“Is dressing like a princess really happening with two year-olds at Disney the glue factory tour?”
Pretty smooth, right? I think this approach will totally fool them. As long as they don’t like the idea of vacationing at the working farm co-op, where green pudding is readily available.
Now I just have to stop saying “Florida.” And “vacation.” And “I don’t know if we need the damn silly Park Hopper Pass or not.” {We do, right?}
We tried “Pink Chicken” for salmon. Not successful. Also, I was chastized this morning by BOTH the 4 year old and the 2 year old for calling another drive a “jerk”. Apparently “jerk” is not a nice word and we don’t use it.
Good luck sanitizing your speech!
Pink chicken is fabulous! Until they learn about salmonella.
I see a whole new dictionary being required. Wine will no longer be called wine, wine is now cod liver oil.
Florida is no longer the Sunshine State, it is the Spinach State.
Enjoy the train ride around the Amish Loom Museum!
Wine continues to be “Mommy’s juice.” I could use a code phrase for Espresso Martini, though.
Oh, this is me. Annabelle asked me the other day what a “douche” was… I explained it was a bad driver – nice.
We went to EuroDisney last month – let me know if you have any questions. Bring plenty of cash and an extra duffle bag for all of the princess stuff you will be trucking home.
I love it. I especially love the image of Annabelle, in the near future, highly confused by a Summer’s Eve commercial.
LOL love it! My family had to call turkey “chicken” for me for a few years!! It worked! In any case, instead of “Florida vacation” you could say “Texas business venture”. That doesn’t sound very exciting! ; ) Also, I have a suggestion to go to the Magic Kingdom only. With your kids’ ages, the MK is absolutely perfect!! They have a two day touring plan. I think they might be too young for Epcot Center, Hollywood Studios, and the Animal Kingdom just yet. You could fill in the other days with some (obviously not all lol!) of these activities to do in the area on this web page:
http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/features_momsatwork/2009/07/things-to-do-in-orlando-central-florida-with-kids-children.html There is also SeaWorld and various water parks. : )
First, I love “Texas business venture.” Second, thanks for the WDW tips — great info!
You’re most welcome! Glad you like!! I actually just went to the Magic Kingdom with one of my girlfriends this past September (yes I’m a big kid at heart)! If you have any questions, you may certainly e-mail me (or ask me on here or whatever) and I will be happy to help you!! : )
I’m not sure how old your kids are…however, my son is 11 and STILL does this. I can’t say *anything* without him saying, “We’re moving to LA??” No, I said wouldn’t it be cool to. “You’re buying me a car??” No, I said someday when you start driving…you know, when you’re 16!!!! This blog totally made my day!! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Robyn — glad you stopped by! And now I know I better get this code thing down soon (my kids are only 2 and 4).