Bad news: It didn’t work.
My petition to change my birth year, in a last-ditch effort to avoid turning 40, has been rejected. For no good reason. Something about permanent, reliable records or some such nonsense. Personally, I suspect I was blocked by my nemeses at the New Jersey DMV.
Fine, Time and Space. You win.
As I type this, I have just under eight hours remaining in my 30s. But don’t you worry — I intend to spend them doing some really crazy stuff. That’s right, I’m going to not one, but two grocery stores. And the wine store too.
I have a Cinco de Mayo birthday. This meant nothing for the first 20 years of my life. Then, Corona made this a big bar holiday and, well, that has worked out really well for me over the years.
But 40? I don’t know about this. Let me walk you through the Five Stages of Grief I’ve been dealing with recently on this issue.
Denial: In my head, I am 27. It is impossible that this is not also my actual age. Who do these children belong to? And who the hell is going to clean up after them?
Anger: This is bullshit. Some combination of multiple leap years and daylight savings time has robbed me of at least a few more days in my 30s. I want them back.
Bargaining: I will take better care of myself if I can stay 39 for a couple of more years. I will cut back on caffeine and wine. Well, on Mondays when the moon is full.
Depression: How can this be? I am half way to 80? Maybe I will just sit here and be upset. Oh, wait, my wine is out of reach from this spot. I’ll move closer to it and then sit and be upset.
And finally, acceptance. It is what it is, right?
Uh, no. I accept this birthday by dealing with it my own way. By extending the hell out of it and having a great time. I will get together with a bunch of friends who will graciously lie and tell me I don’t look a day over 39. And, soon, I will go on a trip that I’ve been trying to take for 20 years. I even have some birthday gifts arriving here on the blog over the month of May — you’ll see.
I know I have everything I could want. A great husband. Two healthy kids. Fabulous extended family. Amazing friends. A Keurig in my kitchen and a wine fridge in my basement. It’s all good. I’m grateful. It’s just kind of shocking, this thing about getting a little older. Somehow it snuck up on me, that’s all.
So I’m done sulking now. If I have to turn 40, let it be a big, drawn out party. And if I’ve given you an excuse to have an extra Cinco de Mayo cocktail on Saturday (or anytime in the month of May), even better.
Well my friend, I welcome you to the club.
Not only will everyone in the world be raising a margarita glass to toast your birthday today, but all of the women in Kentucky are going to wear big hats and be toasting with Mint Juleps and cheering for your birthday as the Derby will be run today in your honor! How many people do you know have THAT kind of pull!?!?!
We truly are going to miss being there today – but we are VERY excited to be able to see you soon on your birthday trip!
Much love!
Markus & LD
I know! Can you believe they ran that big old horse race just for me?! So nice!
Thanks for the birthday wishes, and looking forward to seeing you in another land soon!
As the old lady in your life, let me tell you: It gets better in a different way.
What you trade in the line free days of youth for are a feeling of centeredness, assuredness, and NO MORE BSness.
You’ll love it, if you embrace it.
Thanks for this — and I’ll take no more BSness!
LOL! Fantastic writing as always!! I love your way with words! : ) No worries. I know many 40+ women (a couple who are even 70 and older) who are absolutely BEAUTIFUL and put teenage girls and females in their twenties to shame!! I also know many 40 & above gals (some who are even 80 and older) who have amazing lives that would make teenage and 20-something chicks completely jealous! I actually think you fit that bill on both counts. 🙂
Thank you Erica — how nice! FYI, after this weekend’s celebrations, I now look 80 🙂
honestly, i am *still* not sold on the benefits of over 40. but as a wise person told me, it is what it is.
also, at least you get a trip out of it.
I hope you are not accusing me of being wise. I fear you will be sorely disappointed. Wise ass, yes. Wise — well, I guess that just means old now 😉
My birthday is May 4. 🙂 I am turning 39 in a couple weeks, I am not happy with it.