Movie Magic: The Distinguished Panel Speaks

OK, friends, it’s the home stretch. Three days until the Oscars.

I have made huge progress in my personal preparations. And while this may not include trivial things like seeing a single film on the Best Picture roster, I have the big stuff covered.  Meaning, I know exactly which yoga pants I’ll be wearing for the red carpet coverage and which snacks I’ll be consuming during the 17-hour awards broadcast.

So I’m pretty much ready.

Earlier this week, in the spirit of such thorough preparedness, I shared my list of favorite Oscars winners past. Today, I’m bringing in the real experts* to tell you all about the very best in film.  Please welcome today’s panelists:

Ninja Mom

Honest Mom

Frugalista Blog

Let Me Start By Saying

Toulouse & Tonic

Wendy Nielsen

Bad Parenting Moments

Mommy Shorts

Paige Kellerman

*Qualifications for being a real expert include prolific and hilarious blogging capabilities, with some convictions about movie-watching on the side.

OK, ladies, we’ll start with the obvious question: What are your three favorite movies ever (not necessarily in order)?

Ninja Mom:  I hate me for saying this, but Ghostbusters is the only movie on the list. “Tell him about the Twinkie.”

Honest Mom:

• When Harry Met Sally: I will love this movie always and forever, amen.
• Star Trek (2009 movie): Call me a sci-fi dork, I don’t care. It’s exciting, funny, and has one of the best openings to a movie, ever.
• Tangled: Great songs, fun plot, and I can watch it with my kids. And Flynn Rider is hot.

Frugalista Blog:  Rear Window, Bridesmaids & Gone with the Wind.

Let Me Start By Saying:  Pride & Prejudice (1995 BBC version with Colin Firth), Anchorman and Gone Baby Gone.

Toulouse & Tonic:  The Princess Bride, Willow & The Wizard of Oz (Do you think I have a type?)

Wendy Nielsen:  Some Kind of Wonderful, Never Been Kissed & Good Will Hunting.

Bad Parenting Moments:  Blade Runner, The Wizard of Oz & The Big Lebowski.

Mommy Shorts:  Amelie, Adaptation, Edward Scissorhands & Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I know that’s four but it was already hard enough not to include Better Off Dead and Raising Arizona. Also, I just realized I have two Nic Cage movies on my list and I now consider him one of the worst actors ever. What happened?

Paige Kellerman:  It’s hard to pick three, but a few I enjoy, over and over, are Starsky and Hutch, Serendipity & Pride and Prejudice.

I am a chronic movie quoter.  It’s a problem. Which movie quote(s) are you most guilty of repeating?

Ninja Mom: “Cats and dogs, living together, mass hysteria!” See above (Ghostbusters). I never said I was proud.

Honest Mom: “These aren’t the [insert object to replace “droids”] you’re looking for.” Any red-blooded Gen Xer can quote Star Wars on cue. If you can’t, I’m a little suspicious of you.

Frugalista Blog:

• “I will be proud to partake in your pecan pie.” (When Harry Met Sally)
• “It’s all ball bearings these days.” (Fletch)
• “Put the lotion in the basket” (Silence of the Lambs)

Let Me Start By Saying:

• “I wanna say something. I’m gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don’t, send it right back. I want to be on you.” (Anchorman)
• “I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.” (Anchorman)
• “I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.” (So, pretty much, all of Anchorman.)

Toulouse & Tonic: “You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it means.”  (I am a TOTAL Princess Bride geek.)

Wendy Nielsen: “I’m not Josie Grossie!” (Never Been Kissed)

Bad Parenting Moments:

• “Well, yeah, you know, that just like your opinion man.” — The Dude (The Big Lebowski)
• “Well, THAT escalated quickly.” — Ron Burgandy (Anchorman)

Mommy Shorts: “It smells like a used diaper filled with Indian food.” (Anchorman) My mom and I use it all the time. But only to each other.

Paige Kellerman: “I drink your milkshake.” (There Will Be Blood)

{The mention of a milkshake evokes Snack Break inquiries from the panel.  This quickly deteriorates to angry demands for an Extended Wine Break. Once I am able to reconvene everyone with full wine sippy cups, the discussion resumes below.}

In the movie version of your life story, which actress plays the role of you? 

Ninja Mom: Surely someone has dibs on Tina Fey. Maybe Tina will let me play her in the movie version of her life.

Honest Mom: Julia Roberts. Because I laugh big and loud like she does, my hair is kind of like hers, and I think my mom actually may love her more than me. Seriously. My mom has seen every Julia Roberts movie ever. It’s a little weird.

Frugalista Blog: Kristen Wiig– because she’s so goofy and makes all these facial expressions. Or Amy Poehler because she’s so funny. I guess I see myself as funny.

Let Me Start By Saying: Anne Hathaway. I’ve been told by multiple people that she’s the younger, brown-haired, brown-eyed version of me, and she’s clearly more talented than me, so yeah. I’ll take Anne.

Wendy Nielsen: Rachel McAdams because I was told once I looked like her!

Bad Parenting Moments: Lena Dunham. She’s short, funny, a tad crazy and our boobs are simpatico.

Paige Kellerman: Morgan Freeman. Doesn’t everyone want to be played by Morgan Freeman?

Own up: Which really bad movie(s) do you watch anytime you come across it/them on TV?

Ninja Mom: The Blues Brothers. Though I’d argue it’s awesome.

Honest Mom: 17 Again – Good Lord, is Zac Efron adorable.

Frugalista Blog: Step Up – Channing Tatum (hubba hubba) and Mean Girls (It’s not bad, it’s good actually, but I always watch it!)

Let Me Start By Saying: Step Up – OMG the dancing!  Notting Hill – the adorableness and Brit humor! But my real addiction is comic book/sci-fi movies. I can’t turn them off: Thor, Avengers, Captain America, Iron Man, Fantastic Four, X-Men, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, all of that sort. I’m obsessed.

Wendy Nielsen: Any Lifetime movie that features Tori Spelling.

Bad Parenting Moments: Showgirls. Every. Damn. Time.

Mommy Shorts: City Slickers. I used to watch that movie every time I felt depressed in high school. The scene where they finally bring the cows home just makes me happy.

Paige Kellerman: Mean Girls and Shawn of the Dead … Every time.

{Objection from the moderator:  There’s no way *none* of them get sucked into A Walk To Remember.}

Naturally, you’ve just been tapped to host the Oscars and you have no blogging conflicts to keep you from flying to Hollywood — so who is your top choice for co-host? Why will your Oscars be the most highly rated ever?

Ninja Mom: Matt Damon. Shut up. I want to smell and maybe caress him in a loving way that makes his clothes fall off.

Honest Mom: Tina Fey. DUH. We’d be the most highly-rated ever because of her awesomeness  — and because of my answer to the next question. Best. Awards. Ever.

Frugalista Blog: Oh my God!! This is my dream! That and going to the Oscars, being nominated for an Academy Award and winning. Okay, I will host with Hugh Jackman. He’s hosted before and he and I will do a musical number. Of course, it will start with him in a bath, naked, or a shower. Not sure which. I will come down on some harness and do Cirque du Soleil maneuvers. Not that I’m very acrobatic, but I just want to. Also, I can do trapeze, so we’ll have to throw that in somewhere. Oh wait – I just thought of host idea #2. Steve Carrell or Ben Stiller. OR Robert Downey Jr. And it would just be a bunch of comedic one-liners and hilarious quips. And Robert Downey Jr. will be shirtless. And maybe in a shower.

Let Me Start By Saying: I want to host with NinjaMomBlog’s Nicole Leigh Shaw. I think we’d be just the right blend of stand-up comic, ridiculous movie knowledge, and hotness. Like a poor man’s Tina Fey/Amy Poehler, but with greater height distance between the two of us.

Wendy Nielsen: Ryan Gosling!!  My Oscar telecast will be the most highly rated telecast because everyone loves The Notebook and they’ll think Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are hosting!

Bad Parenting Moments: Amy Sedaris. Amy and I hosting would be like Cirque du Soleil filmed at the landfill. You wouldn’t be able to turn away.

You’re all fabulous writers. So, which {real/existing} movie do you wish you had penned?

Ninja Mom: Ishtar. If I’d written that I’d know there was nowhere but up from there.

Honest Mom: The Twilight series. Who would’ve thunk vampires and wolves could be sexy? Big-money genius, right there.

Frugalista Blog: This is 40. Story of my freakin’ life. Minus the surprise pregnancy.

Let Me Start By Saying: Amelie felt like magic. Memento was brilliant. 50/50 because a hilarious cancer movie? Impossibly possible. Looper was so original. Slumdog Millionaire was a rich web with tactile love.  Signs was funny and deep and layered and it still gives me the creeps.

Toulouse & Tonic: Princess Bride.  You probably could’ve guessed that, right?  There is just so much funny packed into one movie.  No other movie is so quotable.

Wendy Nielsen: Wedding Crashers or Bridesmaids

Bad Parenting Moments: Lost in Translation

Mommy Shorts: Adaptation — so freakin’ clever.

Once and for all: How do we get the winners with long speeches to shut the hell up and exit? Because the orchestra thing obviously isn’t working.

Ninja Mom: Anal tasers.

Honest Mom: Put one of those trap doors in the floor. When time’s up? Buh-bye!

Frugalista Blog: You get the floor to open up and they fall through like on the Ellen show when she plays a game.

Let Me Start By Saying: Hole in the floor, when the time is up, the lever is pulled and the person falls into the press room.

Wendy Nielsen: The mic needs to drop into the ground!  Or have they already done that?

Bad Parenting Moments: Dangle a martini on a fishing line in front of them. Like a carrot to a donkey, they will follow

Mommy Shorts: I say go old school. Canes seem very effective.

* * *

Please join me in thanking my fabulous panel for this lively and informative look into their minds.  Now you know what fuels these gals.

Well, that and the wine they are still drinking.  I can’t get them out of my house.  It looks like we’ll have to sit here together and watch Anchorman.