Party of Five

June 17, 2013

Our third child — a boy — was born on Wednesday, June 12. He weighed in at eight pounds even, my smallest baby. So between his smaller size and this being my third delivery, this should have been a breeze. Right? Wrong. I’ll spare you all the details, but apparently delivering a baby who is […]

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Filed Under: Family 12 Comments

How Not to Pack a Hospital Bag

June 6, 2013

“Did you pack your bag?” “Nah, not yet. But I will.” “When?” “Soon. It will only take ten minutes.” “So just do it.” “Yeah.” This conversation happens about once a day between my husband and me. It’s not that he’s being particular. He does have a point. After all, I could deliver at pretty much […]

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Filed Under: Family, Knocked Up 4 Comments

Cicada Central

May 30, 2013

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m not really a nature girl, per se. Not up close, anyway. For those of you who were around for the Fordeville Swarm Incident of 2012, you’ll recall that I was terrorized by tens of thousands of honey bees and I thought the End of Days […]

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Filed Under: That Which Drives Me Crazy 16 Comments

Last Firsts

May 23, 2013

“You must be beyond ready.” “You just want that baby out, huh?” “Aren’t you so done with being pregnant?” I get these comments a lot now. Probably because the size of my stomach is uncomfortable for the human eye to focus on without incurring optic muscle strain. And that’s fine — I’m not offended. None […]

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Filed Under: Family, Knocked Up 7 Comments

Welcome to the Circus

May 14, 2013

“Paper or plastic?” I was in the grocery store yesterday, as I am on most Mondays. I was staring at the ridiculous magazine headlines near the check-out {just before purchasing two of these fine publications}. I was tired. I mentally calculated when I would have time for a shower later in the afternoon between school […]

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Filed Under: Entertainment, Family 21 Comments

The Curious Consumer & Restoration Hardware

May 8, 2013

  Dear Restoration Hardware: As a consumer goods company, I have to imagine you value market feedback about your products. I recently received the latest edition of your Baby & Child catalog. My, it is stunning. So chic and luxe. And, after turning each super-fabulous page that made the paper stock of my holiday cards […]

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Filed Under: Knocked Up, That Which Drives Me Crazy 31 Comments

Listen to Your Mother

May 6, 2013

Only six more days until I stand up on a stage in Manhattan and read a piece of my writing to hundreds of strangers. Here are some things you will not find me saying about this upcoming experience: No big deal — just your typical Sunday. I’m not terrified. At all. I have tons of flattering […]

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Filed Under: Entertainment 3 Comments

Six

April 24, 2013

Swish, whooosh, whooooooooosh.  Whispery yet distinct. In hushed but urgent tones. Hoooo. Shwah. Yeeeeeeah. A shadow quickly runs by, caught just a fleeting moment out of the corner of my eye. A blur. And then he comes into my field of vision. And he is focused. He is ready. For combat. He is my son, […]

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Filed Under: Family 6 Comments

Target Always Wins

April 18, 2013

You know when you get all boastful and high-horsey about something and then you totally live to regret it? Or how about those times when you completely underestimate your adversary’s capacity for revenge? Anyone? Bueller? Well. It happened to me. And, as most well-intentioned-but-poorly-executed things in my life go, it started on Facebook. Yeah, I […]

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Filed Under: Knocked Up, Places Near and Far 20 Comments

When 40 is the New 78

April 9, 2013

Last year, as I prepared to turn 40, I did a fair amount of worrying. And complaining. And venting. And polling about effective yet reasonably priced anti-aging serums. But everyone told me not to worry. “40 is the new 30!” They all said it in unison, with the same chipper inflection, as if it was […]

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Filed Under: Knocked Up 64 Comments
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