I love October for its fall colors. The greens that slowly turn to oranges, yellows and reds. But today I want to talk about the pink that is all around us.
As you likely know (which is a good thing), this is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. And, unfortunately, it’s also likely that you know someone whose life has been affected by this terrible disease.
Of the 2.5 million breast cancer survivors in the US right now, one of them is my Aunt Debbie. My mom’s youngest sister. A woman who, my entire life, has been nothing but generous and unassuming and modest and lovely. I’m so grateful that she is allowing me to share her story with you.
Her journey down a road she never wanted to travel entails being diagnosed twice. The first time, she was 41. Her kids — my cousins — were 10 and 8. The breast biopsy was done on a Friday afternoon and she had to wait out the weekend to hear the results. Since 80% of biopsies turn out to be benign and she was so healthy, she wasn’t worried. As she tells it now, “It wasn’t going to happen to me.”
Monday.
Results.
Cancer.
Devastation.
Thankfully, early stages. No lymph nodes impacted. She was relieved to know that the recommended treatment for her case was a lumpectomy, followed by seven weeks of radiation.
After her treatment, she followed up with her doctor every three months. Life returned to normal — as much as normal can be at that point.
Fast forward four years, when one such follow-up mammogram indicated the need for biopsies.
This time, she said, “I wasn’t so sure it wouldn’t happen again. I wasn’t surprised when the biopsy came back showing malignancy.”
Both breasts, though more advanced on the left side. It was stage 2B/3A.
The doctor definitely recommended a mastectomy of the left breast and said it would not be unreasonable to opt for a bilateral mastectomy.
Aunt Debbie said it was an easy decision.
“At this point I was going all the way. At the first diagnosis I was so relieved I didn’t need a mastectomy, relieved to not need chemotherapy and relieved to not be put on Tamoxifen. After the second diagnosis, I wasn’t looking to get out of anything. This was serious this time.”
And it was. 12 out of 13 lymph nodes tested positive. This news came several days after the bilateral mastectomy.
My cousins were now 14 and 12.
Then came the question of high dose chemo with stem cell transplant versus regular chemo. At that time, it had not been proven if a stem cell transplant would give a better prognosis in a case like hers (where there were positive lymph nodes but no metastasis, or spreading to vital organs). There were clinical trials going on to determine this, and she had the opportunity to join one.
Her doctor felt her prognosis with regular chemo was about 15-20% chance of five-year survival. With the stem cell transplant, he felt it could go up to 30%. Up to 30%. To survive five more years. At 45 years old.
She opted to go with the high dose chemo and stem cell transplant. This entailed a three-week hospital stay, during which time her entire immune system was completely wiped out and then rebuilt again (through the transplant of her own previously harvested and frozen stem cells). It put her body through the wringer.
{Interestingly, after the clinical trials were over, it was determined that a stem cell transplant does not improve the prognosis in cases like my aunt’s. But she says that she’s glad she went through it, regardless, because she knows she did everything possible to fight the cancer. And her husband, my Uncle Dave, is convinced it made a difference. It’s something no one can ever know with any science, but she has no regrets.}
So.
13 years have passed. As have eight surgeries, three rounds of regular chemo, the high dose chemo/stem cell transplant and two courses of radiation. And my Aunt Debbie is great!
How does she feel today about her ordeal? In her words:
“Being a breast cancer survivor is so much a part of who I am. I don’t dwell on it or worry about it. Each year without recurrence gives more reason to not worry, although I am still on a medication which I may be on for the rest of my life because I am still considered high risk. But I feel very proud of myself for going through what I did and feel that I am stronger than I ever thought. At this point, the good things that came out of it:
1. I know I am strong.
2. The phrase ‘don’t sweat the small stuff ‘ is so true now.
3. Support of family and friends is so important — Uncle Dave was my rock!”
And my uncle’s perspective:
“Debbie was/is the strongest and bravest person I have ever known through those many years. She stayed strong for the kids and they never really knew how serious it was until years later. Even when given a low survival rate beyond five years, she made it her life’s mission to survive — to first see her kids graduate, and then maybe someday marry. After 17 years of living with cancer, we rarely think/talk about it now, but for more than ten years, a day never went by without thinking about it. She is a true hero.”
When I asked her if I could write about her story and if she could jot down some of the key facts of her case, I can say that I truly never knew her prognosis was so negative until now. I knew about her treatment and her surgeries when they were happening, but I never knew from her outlook, her attitude and her bravery how serious it was and how scared she must have been. I always looked up to my aunt for what she went through, but hearing her whole story really blew me away.
Now that I’m a mother myself, I can’t imagine how she felt when she had to tell her kids. Or when she had to wonder what the future held for all of them as a family.
Her journey is truly heroic. And it’s one with far too many women on the same road — some with better outcomes than others.
This year, 200,000 women will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer in the US, along with 50,000 non-invasive cases. 40,000 will die from the disease this year alone. {Source: Susan G Komen Foundation}
I know I’m not telling you anything you haven’t heard. Or perhaps, unfortunately, you know first-hand from a loved one on some level. But I think it bears repeating, no? For my aunt. And everyone else who has walked in her shoes.
So listen to The Susan G Komen Foundation’s message this month. Less Talk, More Action, they say. And they’re right. Visit them to see what you can do. I’ll get us started, OK? I’ll supplement my existing donation to my aunt’s Breast Cancer Walk team by $1 for every comment on this post (up to $100).
Come on, you guys — help me reach the $100 goal. You just have to type, and I’ll pay. Not a bad deal. I so appreciate it.
And if you didn’t think highly enough of my Aunt Debbie already, I’ll leave you with this. When she sent me the photo below from last Sunday’s Breast Cancer Walk, she closed her email by thinking of all the other women in our family: “If there’s something I DO worry about, it’s my daughter…and my sisters…and my nieces. My history affects all of you. Have you had your first mammogram?”
I have, indeed.
Thanks, Aunt Debbie, for showing us so much courage and character. For being the face of survival. For becoming an involuntary role model in a fight you never wanted. Your journey is beyond inspiring.
I LOVE this! It runs in my family and my aunt is currently, finally in remission herself! I’ll pay. Thanks for sharing!
Comment! Comment! Comment! I’ve had two friends – one in her late 40s and one in her mid 30s diagnosed over the past few years. Both are survivors and I am so grateful. Alyssa and I walked in the “Making Strides For Breast Cancer” walk in Parsippany last weekend! Fabulous event…we raised 500 bucks and our team raised more than 1600! So here’s another dollar…and god bless your Aunt and all the survivors!
Debbie is, and has always been, one of the bravest women I have ever known. Like Kim, I had no idea her prognosis was so grim – she always carried herself with strength and hope. She is an inspiration to all of us.
Great post, Kim. I’m so happy your aunt is a survivor. I lost a dear friend (with a 10-year-old son) to breast cancer. I keep her photo in view to remind me what a gift each day is.
As always, you inspire me!
I had my first mammogram this year! Quick, easy, painless, and there were guilty pleasure magazines in the waiting area. OK!, People, and The Economist. 😉
Thanks so much for telling my story, Kim. I hope it serves two purposes:
1. To remind all women to pay attention to their bodies and have their annual mammograms. Those mammograms saved my life; and
2. To give hope to women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer, especially those with poor prognoses.
I think you did a great job of getting those messages across.
I’m no hero…but I am a SURVIVOR!!!
Love you,
Aunt Debbie
A great post, Kim. I’ve always admired Debbie so much for her courage and tenacity in her struggle with cancer – it’s such a positive story and deserves to be heard by as many people as possible. I’m so glad you were able to put it out there.
Thank you for sharing your Aunt’s story. I actually don’t have anyone close to me who’s been diagnosed. Reading about what your Aunt went though made my jaw drop. I am in awe that she made it through all of that and remained positive and strong. I don’t think I could have. She sounds like a truly wonderful person and an inspiration indeed!
Your post made me cry – as nearly all breast cancer survivor stories do. Just wanted to honour my friend and breast cancer survivor Gloria in whose courgage and dignity I found true humanaity.
And Debbie – you rock
Wow! From reading that post, my throat is tight and my eyes are watery. You are a beautiful niece for sharing your Aunt Debbie’s story!! She sounds amazing, amazing, amazing!!!! <3333
Crying my eyes out. Go, Aunt Debbie!
Great and inspiring post, hope you get 100 comments!
A beautiful tribute and a thoughtful gesture. Thanks, Debbie, for letting Kim share your story!
I am so proud of the women in my family. Kim, as always, you are a beautiful writer and I’m so glad that you have written this for/about Aunt Debbie.
Aunt Debbie, you are amazing and I love you so much!
xx
thanks Kim, and Aunt Debbie. I will indeed get my first mammogram this year.
I’m not supposed to be teary-eyed on NjTransit… Really beautiful post!
Thank you for sharing her story.
Thank you for sharing your Aunt’s inspirational story.
Your aunt and her story are inspiring on many levels. Early detection at all ages is critical. My mother was diagnosed with extremely early stage when she was eighty. She recently celebrated her one-hundredth.
Your aunt is an inspiration! My aunt and my mom’s BFF are survivors as well. Never underestimate a woman’s will to survive- these woman are a testament to that!!
Thanks for sharing this story, Kim. She’s a great lady and a true inspiration.
Thanks for sharing this story Kim. I lost an aunt when I was very young–she was our age now. Never too soon to start checking!
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Thanks to Aunt Debbie for reminding me I shouldn’t put off my mammogram any longer – my aunt is a breast cancer survivor too.
GO Kim! And GO Aunt Debbie…in the best of health 🙂
Thanks for sharing this Kim!
I am grateful everyday that I get to have such an amazing woman in my life. She is my mother, my friend, my teacher, my hero and our family rock! To have grown up without her is unimaginable.
I am reminded everyday when I look at the pink ribbon tattoo on my foot of not just her strength and courage, but of how lucky I am to have her in my life.
I honor my mom who has survived, my friend Orla’s mom who did not and all other breast cancer patients not just in October, but everyday!
Love,
Casey
Thanks Kim, you have honored Debbie well, as I knew you would. She is my wife and best friend of 35+ years, the mother of our two wonderful kids, and my executive assistant for the last 14 years. Needless to say, we spend almost every minute of the day together and I consider myself blessed for every one of them.
Facing the possibility of life without her was the worst part of my life, but her strength, your grandmother, and my mother were the ones that helped me through it. Her courage and dignity sustained me.
Again, thank you for honoring the love of my life.
Love you,
Uncle Dave
What a gripping story! Thank you so much for using your blog (and your money) for something to positive! I am definitely going to spread the word!
Thank you for sharing. I just had my first mammography and to be surprise they did find something…after several tests, sonograms, etc. I am set to see the breast surgeon on Wednesday. Needless to say, my heart is in my throat.
It is so important to spread the word, your aunt is an inspiration to us all.
I do hope you reach your goal and I will spread the word in hope to help you do so….
I made a donation online. Would love to add it to your aunt’s team, dm me the team name, and I’ll move it….:)
Hi Michelle —
I appreciate your thought in moving your donation to my team’s total, but I’m not sure how easy that will be to do. If you donated to breast cancer awareness, that’s all that matters!!
Thanks so much.
Michelle –
Just saw your previous comment about your current situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Debbie
Thank you for your post. Breast cancer has hit so many people I know and love. It is so important to raise awareness and keep fighting! I’ll share this link in hopes you will reach your goal.
my mother-in-law is a survivor…they just found another lump after 10 years and the biopsy is monday. Other than here, I don’t think I would voice this aloud – I don’t want to lose another mother.
Great post Kim! As you know, my sister-in-law is a survivor, as well as two friends and a co-worker. Your goal is admirable, and I hope you reach it!
Kim, that was written so beautifully. I am so very grateful to have my sister in my life. You are right, she has shown us all courage and grace. I thank God everyday that she is doing so well. She is a wonderful example for all of us.
Aunts are special and I have a few, but your aunt Debbie makes me think of my aunt Pattie. She too is a breast cancer survivor. Not only did she beat cancer, she had Polio as a little girl and then learned to live with sight from only one eye because she had a terrible fall as a young child.
She is truly so strong, amazing, and admirable.
I was not here yet or too young to remember any of her battles, but when I look at her (she’s in her mid 70’s now) all I see is strength. My aunt could pitch a tent, light campfires, build an A-frame. She could round up her dog, her kids, make dinner, and pull the toboggan up our snowy hill over and over. She is the oldest of 9 and has said goodbye to two of her brothers, one just 9 months ago. She also had to say goodbye to two husbands, both left her suddenly and too soon.
But never has my aunt done anything but put one foot in front of the other. I love her and I’m so lucky she lives right around the corner.
Such an inspiring story! Both your aunt and uncle seem to have faced the cancer with grace and courage.
(Not sure if you remember me or not, Kim. My daughter Danielle danced with Lisa back in the day. )
Thank you so much for sharing your beautifully written story about your Aunt Debbie. What a brave and courageous woman she is. I, too, cannot imagine how incredibly hard it must have been to sit down with her children and tell them. I will continue to pray for her and your wonderful family. She faced her adversity with such grace…what a lovely lady she is! Bless all of you. I know you will have absolutely no problem reaching your goal…You and your family rock, Kim!!!!
Thanks for sharing your aunt’s story! I’m a sorority sister of Lisa’s and linked here from facebook. My mother died of breast cancer one year ago from this Thursday, October 27th. My daughter, her first grandchild, was only 5 weeks old. In my first year of being of mom to Lila, I’ve also had to learn to live without my own mom. Your aunt’s story reminds me about the incomparable strength of my mother and the countless other people who live with this disease and face the doctor appointments, treatments, and fear with amazing grace and courage.
So inspiring! Thank you for writing!
Such an incredible story! So important to be reminded of the courage and strength of women facing such a terrifying disease.
Thank you for sharing your story. This is such a great way to spread awareness about breast cancer, and the amazing women that fight it. I hope you reach your goal!
How incredible. Thank you so much for sharing— there is a cure in sight if we can continue to raise awareness. Good luck!
Such an inspiring story! It is awesome hearing from the women who are battling the disease. Thank you for sharing!!
Thank you for sharing this story. And thanks to both Debbie and Dave for following up in the comments. It adds even more reality to the cause.
Reid
I work with Debbie and Dave and never fully knew how serious her bout with breast cancer was. The tears started flowing reading about her story. She truly is an inspiration to all women and her strength is beyond amazing! I’m reminded to make my mammogram appointment as I usuually make it for October. Thank you for a wonderful and timely blog.
Kim this is beautifully written. I also didn’t know how negative the prognosis was. I have always admired Aunt Debbie for her courage, strength, and composure. Knowing all this now only makes me admire her more. I’m so thankful that Aunt Debbie is a survivor.
Kim- I saw the link to this on Lisa’s FB page and I had to come here to comment. I think it’s great what you’re doing and I think your Aunt is so brave. Good luck to you!
Hope I’m not too late! Thanks for sharing the story. Thinking of your aunt! XO
Kim,
Congratulations to Debbie for being a survivor and such an inspiration to her daughters and all the women in your family.
Our family has been blessed in so many ways –but major among those blessings is Debbie and her survival through this unfair journey she was forced to travel. “Courage and grace” have been used to describe her by everyone she knows, and rightfully so. I never heard her complain or feel sorry for herself. Debbie also happens to be one of the sweetest people I know – and I am so grateful to have her as my sister and friend.
Kim, you so eloquently described and shared Aunt Debbie’s story. It’s daunting to read how many of your friends and blog followers have been affected by this disease. We can only pray for those that have been affected by breast cancer or other forms of cancer – and pray for a cure!
Aunt Debbie is amazing! And I love your posts, Kim.
Kim, we have been doing different things all month for breast cancer awareness. My kids are so into donating and wearing pink, but I just read your post to them because we don’t know anyone that is to close to us that had it as bad as your Aunt Debbie. We would also love to donate to your walk. Let me know where/ how and I will do it!!!!
Can I slip this comment in at the last minute? Just wanted to say that this was a beautiful and incredible post. Thanks for sharing.
beautiful story go aunt debbie!
Thanks Kim and Aunt Debbie for sharing this story with us. It’s close to so many of us!!! Thanks and keep fighting the fight!!
Even having known Debbie’s story I cried while I read your blog Kim. Debbie was amazing to go through it twice & to be so strong. She did what she needed to do. Having gone through treatments for BC last year and into this year Debbie was my inspiration. If she could survive I could too. Being strong throughout helps those you love get through it. They are scared too. I am happy to say I too am a survivor. Thank you Debbie and thank you Kim for sharing her story. You are a wonderful and loving niece.
thanks Kim I am sitting on Debs sofa reading this blog after she prepared a beautiful meal tonight.I am sitting here thinking about everything you wrote about the most thoughtful giving person I know.I can’t imagine the fear she must of felt but never showed it.Her strength ( and Daves) was and is beyond words. I love Deb like a sister and pray God continues to keep her healthy. again thank you for spreading awareness and telling her story. Linda Bright Petzinger