Family Policy on Post-Sandy Sanity

URGENT FAMILY MEMORANDUM

RE: HURRICANE SANDY 

Children of Fordeville:

As you’ve seen from my obsessive viewing of the news coverage, Hurricane Sandy is beginning to bear down on us.  I am doing my best to walk the schizophrenic line between watching these storm updates while simultaneously reassuring you that it’s no big deal.  This is practically an Oscar-worthy performance, as far as I’m concerned.  Especially considering that our house appears to be in that crazy bulls eye area.

But here’s the thing.

We’re going to be in this house for a few days.  Given that we’re only on, like, Hour Six of this Togetherness Marathon, I thought it would be good to lay down a few guidelines to keep Mom’s sanity somewhat intact.

1)  Inevitable Power Outage.  Once the power goes out, please disregard the primal scream you will hear from the depths of my soul.  It’s just the PTSD talking. Remember the multi-day power outage from Hurricane Irene last year?  And then again with the freak snow storm at this exact time last year?  When we almost morphed into a mini Amish community?  I didn’t love those times.  So forgive me for what the thought of repeating those episodes does to me.

2)  The Generator.  Yes, we now have a generator — which I would marry if I could — but remember that it can’t sustain our entire household power grid for days on end.    This is where our conflicting priorities may come into play.  Refrigeration has to come before TV.  Put simply, if you want another chicken nugget in the next week, we have to limit the Nick Jr. hours.  In adult terms, chilled wine over Backyardigans.

3) Arts & Crafts Emergency Policy.  As you know, I lack the crafting gene.  For better or worse, it appears you have inherited this DNA deficiency as well.  So if you see me starting to attempt anything crafty — using glue sticks, glitter or paint — that is a clear and urgent Code Red signal that I have crossed my personal cabin fever sanity barrier, and you should tell Dad to call for medical attention, stat.  One exception would be word games — like maybe we could do a creative, Choose Your Own Adventure ending for the episode of Castle that I’ll surely miss tonight.

4)  Use Your Energy Wisely.  I know this concept is tough for you, but try to use your boundless energy in an efficient manner.  With no school, activities, play dates or structure of any kind for the foreseeable future {insert my internal screaming here}, I can see how things are going to go.  You’re little, I know.  But you don’t have to attempt to set a world record for Number of Spoken Words in a 24-Hour Period.

5)  The Basement.  Remember when those guys were working on our basement for over a year?  That was supposed to take five weeks and cost a fraction of its final figure.  But it taught you important early life lessons about litigation options, the Better Business Bureau and how our legal system works.  Anyway, Mom & Dad will move Heaven and Earth to ensure that shiny new basement does not flood.  So if you hear or see a single drop of water downstairs, your mission is to notify us immediately, at which time  you will be handed your assigned bucket to help our cause.  If it does flood — and this is important — please never speak of it again.  Ever.

* * *

That should get us through the initial Shock & Awe phase of the hurricane and its aftermath.  Before long, you’ll get used to all of your meals coming from cans and the sight of me talking to myself more than usual.

And, remember, since Dad can’t get to work, he will be home with us, too.  That means you can direct at least 50% of your requests to him.

Thanks for listening.

Love,

Mom