Last Firsts

“You must be beyond ready.”

“You just want that baby out, huh?”

“Aren’t you so done with being pregnant?”

I get these comments a lot now. Probably because the size of my stomach is uncomfortable for the human eye to focus on without incurring optic muscle strain.

And that’s fine — I’m not offended. None of it is mean-spirited.

But I’ll tell you a little secret: I’ve just never been terribly uncomfortable or miserable when pregnant. Overall, it doesn’t really bother me beyond the minor things.

I mean, yeah, I’d prefer to wear normal clothes and have a waistline that didn’t resemble the equator. And, yes, my body temperature is distinctly in the Thermonuclear range while my husband freezes with a 61-degree thermostat setting. And I miss sleeping on my stomach. I miss sushi. I miss multiple cups of mind-crushing coffee. And, for the love of all that is holy, I miss wine.

And I’m not all Mother Earthy and out in a meadow celebrating the wonders of the human body. It’s not that. I just don’t happen to mind pregnancy all that much. I think I’ve been lucky in that it has never caused me massive discomfort or, worse, any major problems.

And the bigger secret is that I think I will miss it.

I’m about 99.8% sure that this will be our last child. My husband and the Global Department of Advanced Maternal Age are both about 1087% sure. We are all in agreement. And yet I am filled with what I’ll call pre-emptive nostalgia. Everything is about to be The Last Something.

Next week, I’ll be going to the last ultrasound I’ll ever have. {At least from an obstetrics perspective. If I accidentally swallow a rare gold coin sometime in the future, then back to Radiology I’ll go.}

The following week, I’ll check into the Labor & Delivery unit for the last time.

And then, I’ll bring home a newborn for the last time.

And all of those firsts that this baby will have — we will celebrate them and marvel over them and run with giddy parental excitement to capture them with our cameras.

But, still, I suspect I’ll be wistful that they will be the the last firsts.

{Yes, you can remind me that I said all of this when I am a sleep-deprived maniac in a few weeks.}

I’m beyond excited for this baby to get here — that’s an understatement. But I’m also not in a rush, if that makes sense. There’s something about the now that I love. The waiting. The anticipation. The holding onto this chapter just a bit longer, before things get a little more chaotic, complicated and crazy.

I feel this way even knowing — without a doubt — that our party of five will be fabulous, too. With new chapters that bring new firsts. I know this.

But that doesn’t stop me from also knowing that this giant stomach — in its last two weeks of clumsiness and eye-popping physics — is something that I’ll miss more than a little. Even if it’s the right time for it to be the last.



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  1. JenK says:

    Aw. I completely understand. My 3rd & final (or as we call her, “The Poor Neglected Third Child”) had a 3rd grade award day yesterday and I sobbed my way through it. I will say, there are some lasts that are a relief: last time you have to potty train someone; last time you wrestle with the car seat; last time you have to open a freaking baby gate or child-proofed drawer.
    Enjoy these last few days of elastic waists and guiltless naps. And enjoy that first glass of wine!

  2. Michelle says:

    I love being pregnant too and can identify with your feelings. Enjoy your last few weeks and hold tight to the nostalgia. Feel well xo

  3. Beautiful, Kim. I felt so many of those feelings during the last pregnancy too. And, the empty belly syndrome is a marvel. Looking at those same legs on the outside that just a day before were kicking your bladder. I’m so excited for your new reservoir of firsts on the way…even if they are also meant to be lasts.

  4. Kim, I understand completely. I loved being pregnant with all of my four. Medical issues forced me to tie my tubes because we couldn’t risk an oops and a fifth pregnancy. So, number four was my last and I miss it. I loved being pregnant, I loved having babies. I loved the firsts and cried my way through Tiny’s firsts because, as you say, they were my last firsts. Exciting times to come, for sure…but I get it.

  5. Anna says:

    I know how you feel oh so well. Enjoy every moment, except the ones that well uh aren’t so enjoyable! xo

  6. Since I saw you just one week ago, I can say that you look beautiful. Peaceful, comfortable, and content. The firsts are exciting and get all of the glory, while the lasts are bittersweet and understated, but no less important. The lasts are the memories I remember most fondly.

    Congratulations again, and best wishes on your sweet caboose baby.

  7. Kristy says:

    I definitely know how you feel!! Part of me is afraid I am also experiencing those last firsts, but another part of me assures myself that I am crazy enough to do this just one more time in hopes of conceiving a little girl (3rd boy is coming this September!). So, I’m trying to just enjoy the ride (I also don’t really mind being pregnant for the most part – this one has been a little rougher, but not bad) and not think about the fact that this could potentially be my last pregnancy, because that would just make me cry more than I do already, if that’s even possible. I hope everything goes well with your delivery!! 🙂

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