You see a lot of lists flying around about things people have not done or would like to do in a lifetime. Bucket lists, I guess.
But this week, Mama Kat’s Pretty Much World Famous Writer’s Workshop asked us to list 22 Things We Have Done. And since I’ve been whining a lot about home renovations and hitting you all up for Breast Cancer Awareness Month support (it’s not too late, by the way), I decided this prompt was a nice light-hearted change.
Here’s the thing: I’m pretty unadventurous and cowardly in many respects, so you won’t see any high-flying, circus-like escapades here (unless you count giving birth to two very large babies). But I can own up to the following:
–Got a Master’s Degree in Screenwriting. During this time, I wrote two full-length screenplays and a TV pilot (none of which have ever seen the light of day).
–Agreed to be photographed naked. Get your mind out of the gutter — it was for mandated medical purposes. Yes, there are images of my pasty skin to thank for advances in melanoma studies. You’re welcome.
–Pulled a bee stinger out of a screaming stranger’s eyelid with my fingernails.
–Went to the Super Bowl. While seven months pregnant. In a Biblical rain storm. {Had to leave at half time — sorry.}
–Stood waist-high in the Missouri River to attempt fly fishing.
–Dated a man for five years, whom I had hoped to marry, without knowing he was gay. Yes, really. Perhaps more on that another day.
–Was told that I have a bad mouth. By a sailor.
–Danced to 70s disco music at a wedding with two legitimate, practicing friars. Robes and all.
–Lived in four of the five boroughs of New York City over a 16-year period. {Related: Had a lapsed driver’s license for almost a decade}
—Said goodbye to one of my best friends way too soon.
–Stayed in an overwater bungalow in Tahiti.
–Attended a Congressional hearing.
–Had a blood clot found in my leg by a doctor the day before boarding a plane.
—Got engaged in a bar. {OK, a wine bar. Not a total dive.}
–Lost two grandparents within three weeks.
–Fell in love with a Spaniard while studying abroad. And then spit on his shoes when he showed up in the US to tell me he knocked up another woman. {Disclaimer: I have not spit at anyone before or since that moment. I have no idea what possessed me.}
–Had an ear infection treated by a local proctologist while on vacation. Hey, you take what you can get on a Sunday in Italy.
–Missed most of my own bachelorette party after foolishly thinking those chocolate martinis at dinner were not that potent.
–Worked my first job in high school as a kitchen girl in The Holy Mackerel Seafood House. The best seafood joint in town (OK, maybe the only one). I pulled live lobsters out of tanks and de-veined hundreds of shrimp every night. I didn’t get many dates after work.
–Danced competitively for most of my childhood. No, not like the kids on Dance Moms. Well, except for the false eyelashes.
–Attended somewhere between 35 and 40 U2 shows from 1987 to 2011. I lost count. I hope to see 50 more.
–Gave my heart away to a pug named Señor. He is my first child. Even if he resents me for bringing home two human kids.
* * *
There you have it. Pretty tame, right?
If you have a vote on which one of these I can expand into a full-length future blog post, I’m all ears.
Most importantly, this was a fun distraction from the plot to maim my General Contractor. Which reminds me, I have to go research a few things. {Let’s hope this does not result in #23 on a future “Things I’ve Done” list.}
Totally not lame. (I can now add #7 to my list: Starting a sentence with “totally”.) I am very interested in the shrimp deveining thing. Don’t ask.
Shrimp deveining — a lost art form. And a stinky one. My personal record was the Christmas Eve my friend & I spent deveining 2,500 of them for a party. I don’t think I asked for enough overtime or worker’s comp for that.
Bloodclots suck! I had one in my lungs a month before we were due for our delayed honeymoon.
That bungalow in Tahiti…so jealous!
In your lung! Yikes, that’s bad — thank goodness it was caught.
And, yeah, I won’t lie — the Tahiti bungalow was the stuff of dreams.
I love your list! I have to say, being at the Superbowl while hugely pregnant in a monsoon sounds like hell.
You know it was bad if I walked out before the Prince half time show.
I had no idea you were at Super Bowl XLI… I am impressed you made it to the stadium at all (Julie was in Miami, stayed at the hotel… maybe even flew back before the game??). Granted, I was (somewhat) dry inside a (leaky) booth, but Prince was pretty amazing.
Well, Super Bowl attendance is not a big deal in your family, so I can totally imagine Julie throwing in the towel. I felt obligated to at least try to power through. But without a booth, no dice!
I love this list! Must know more about the ex-boyfriends!!!
Thanks Katy. Clearly I was so lucky in love before I met my husband 😉
I’ll cook up a post on my exes one of these days.
Loved this, loved this, loved this. A few comments:
Cool that you have a Master’s in screenwriting, but I stick to my opinion that it’s possible to pay for more formal education than one needs. 😉
It doesn’t sound like the man you had hoped to marry knew he was gay either.
Is there video footage of The Friar Freak-out?
Fascinating tidbit about the spitting. No kidding, I just heard a story from a very reliable source about a woman who confronted another woman thought to be flirting with her man. Part of the confrontation involved whipping out her “girls” in a “threatening” manner. I don’t get it. That’s not how we settle things on the streets of New York.
Did the proctologist wash his hands before examining your ear? Oh, never mind, I’m sure you had Purel on you.
Pray really hard that no one else maims your contractor, because you’re the one who mentioned in a public blog that you wanted to do so. 😉
Thanks Margaret — glad you enjoyed. And, as usual, you are spot on. Mostly about the Master’s Degree — which, I agree, was an unnecessary (and ongoing) expense. But fun.
There is a photo of the friar dancing. I am trying to find it. I almost used it as my Christmas card one year.
The spitting — I have no words. It’s just not who I am, but it was quite impactful, I have to say.
The proctologist. Dear God. I had post-traumatic stress disorder for about a month after that.
And I think my GC is doing fine, though I might need to put a legal disclaimer on my site soon 😉
I like the attempt at fly-fishing, it’s pretty cool. And I’m hoping you were doing that with your cool girlfriends or a manly man and not the gay fella.
Bachelorette parties aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Well I really wouldn’t know…only went out for one I think. 17 years ago.
Fade In:
Kitchen ~ evening
A woman in her early forties sits at her kitchen table shaking her head as she reads a clever blog on her laptop.
Woman (to herself)
Masters in Screenwriting….phfff Fordeville.
But on a most serious note, I’m very sorry you had to say goodbye to your friend…that’s heartache.
Thanks Suzanne. The fly fishing was with my dad, who fancies himself Mr. River Runs Through It, complete with his retirement in Montana.
Nice screenplay technique — I should brush up on mine one of these days 😉
And very kind of you to mention my friend Jen. She was so special.
Loved this. I don’t think I’ve ever had more fun reading a prompt than these. I also had a blood clot in my leg, that sucked. My favorite may be dancing with the friars:)
Wow, that’s two fellow blood clot warriors commenting on the post. Maybe there’s a meme in here somewhere? 🙂
Your blog would not be complete without a flashback of the Holy Mackerel. And I, personally, would love to read your TV pilot. Hugs!
I liked the TV pilot, if I do say so myself. Maybe I should write one about The Holy Mackerel too 😉
I think that is a great list!!
Thanks Raine — glad you stopped by!
I’m oddly fascinated by the bee stinger story….
Me too 😉
It was definitely a moment of peer pressure — being screamed at, full volume, by my husband’s colleague — “Use your nails! Help the guy!!! Do itttt! Nowwww!”
Lame?!?! Are you kidding me?! That’s an enviable list!! You have so many accomplishments (several of which aren’t even on the list!), as well as many wonderful (some hilarious) stories! Amazing!! 🙂
Aw, thanks Erica — you’re too nice! Glad you enjoyed.
By the way, I vote for a full-length blog post on being told you have a bad mouth by a sailor! ; )
Duly noted — thanks Erica 🙂
love the list.
of course, i would like to hear more about competitive dancing. and if there was some overlap with this and the gay boyfriend.
Ha — there was no overlap. But it’s a great question!
I love this list! I said wow several times…I think I’d love to see more about the ex-boyfriends, and a sailor told you you had a bad mouth?! I live with a retired sailor, so I can’t imagine that. I’d also like to see more about your dancing experience.
Thanks Flora — and tell your husband to watch his mouth 😉
It’s a tough call. Either five years with a gay man, or dirty mouth. I have similar experiences.
Oh good — we can compare notes!
Boy, I feel like I’ve lived a very boring life when reading your list!
Got to hear more about the gay boyfriend!
Sometimes boring is good, trust me 🙂
I so love your blog and this is a great list. Your friend’s passing made my eyes leak. Thanks for the one’s that made me laugh. It sure proves that life is tremendously happy and sad…and everything in between.
Please play tripadvisor….where is that exotic getaway. My hubs and I REALLY REALLY REALLY. Need that.
Thank you so much!