I Don’t Watch Homeland. Can We Still Be Friends?


My husband and I don’t have much of a social life.  Like many parents of young kids, we don’t get out as often as we’d like.  But hey, we can have cocktails at home, cook dinner and watch some TV.  And then we can talk about that riveting evening with other parents of small kids who don’t get out.

Well, that’s not working anymore.

Because we screwed up.  We’re out of the loop.  We’re late to the party.  We’re missing out.

On Homeland.

My life is starting to feel like a Saturday Night Live skit.  I can’t have any social interactions anymore without an exchange like this.

**Begin social interaction.**

“You guys are watching Homeland, right?”

“Uh, no.  We haven’t seen it yet.  I hear it’s gr–”

Wait, what?!  OMG, you’re not watching Homeland?  You’re kidding?  Please be kidding.”

“No. I know, we need to start.  We don’t have Showtime.”

“Well, you have to get Showtime.  You have to.  Or just get it on Netflix.”

“That’s true.  We could do th–”

“OR watch it online.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“Oh wait, I think my cousin’s ex-husband’s new wife’s niece’s parole officer has the first season on DVD.  I’ll get it for you.”

“Oh you don’t have to do that.  Thanks, though.”

“Well, then WHAT are you going to do? ”

“We’ll get it.  We will.”

“Good.  Because we are OBSESSED with it.  OBSESSED.”

“Really?  I hadn’t noticed.  I can’t wait to watch it.”

“What else could you be watching on Sunday night?”

“Oh, I don’t know.  I mean, we flip the channels and, you know — we find something.”

**Blank, incredulous stares.  End of social interaction.  Possibly end of friendship.**

Seriously, I have had some variation of this conversation no fewer than five different times in the last two weeks.  This is a fiercely loyal group of viewers.  And I believe them — I’m sure it’s a great show.

But, here’s the problem:  Apparently, P and I don’t learn from our mistakes.  We never watched 24.  Or Alias.  Yeah, once in a while we’ll catch Mad Men if it happens to be on.  We were hot and cold with The Sopranos.  But we fumbled our way through the related conversations {Did Tony die on the series finale?  And what about using that Journey song for the closing scene?}.  We did OK.  We got invited back to parties.  Mostly because we fucking owned Lost.  We rode that wave from beginning to end and were completely well-versed in all things about The Island, The Others and The Smoke Monster.  At a Final Jeopardy level.

But that doesn’t matter anymore.  That day is done.  It’s all Homeland, all the time.  And we’re on the outside looking in.

This is affecting my interactions at pre-school pick-up.  The Kindergarten bus stop.  Playdates.  Bunco night.

And now, we’re just plain screwed.  It’s the holiday season — the one time of year when we get out to multiple parties in the span of several weeks.  It’s also — I hear, frequently — around the time when the Homeland Season 2 finale will air.  This is a social pariah perfect storm for us.  If we don’t start watching it now, I should probably just cancel the babysitter and stay home.  We will have no social credibility.  What could we possibly contribute to these parties?

So, if you see two loners by the punch bowl at your next holiday gathering, mumbling quietly about the Lost finale — that will be us.  It’s all we’ve got.  Until we get our hands on those Homeland DVDs.


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  1. Katy says:

    Sorry, friend. I’m one of the 99% on this one. Just. Do. It. Send the kids to grandma’s for 24 hours and catch the heck up! 🙂

  2. I feel this way about The Walking Dead. People were so crazy about it that I drank the Kool-Aid and now I am just as rabid about it as everyone else, but, I can say that I haven’t seen one episode of Homeland and, when I watched last week’s SNL (the day after it aired, on Hulu at 8:00 p.m.) I had NO idea what was happening in the Homeland skit and felt like I needed to get new drapes for the rock I live under.

  3. Mommy Shorts says:

    But it’s only the middle of the second season! It’s not too late! Mike and I powered through the first season in about two weeks. And we were up to date by the time the second season started. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!

  4. Meredith says:

    We’re right there with you with having ridden out the Lost wave. Sad news is we’re still sitting pitifully on the beach gazing forlornly at the ocean, hoping somehow it magically comes back. It may be time to get on board with a new show? I just don’t want to rush things, you know…

  5. wendy says:

    HA! But really, you should rent it. It’s really good.

  6. I feel this way about the one with the timetraveller guy in the phone booth, whichever one it is. I am sure it’s hilarious, it’s just too late for me. I can only cater to one TV addiction at a time, and for the past 3 years it has been Glee. Sorry.

  7. I am a TV loser too. It is definitely embarrassing. There sure are a lot of social restrictions aren’t there? I have been contemplating a post titled “If you like Jesus and I like the f- word can we still be friends? ” but I am afraid I would lose actual friends.

  8. Michelle says:

    OMG. Seriously. You. Must. Watch. This. Show.
    Haha…nah, I’m kidding. I mean , it IS my favorite show and it IS better than any movie I’ve seen in the past 3 years (easily), but I get it. I’m the same way with Mad Men and Downton Abbey and any Real Housewives show – don’t watch but seems everyone else does. We can still be friends. But wait. Hold on. If you don’t have Showtime, that means you also don’t watch DEXTER???? Nevermind.
    😉 came over from Finding the Funny (I’m #63) and glad to have found you…even if we can’t talk TV.

  9. Anne Kimball says:

    Hi Kim, I’m Anne from Life on the Funny Farm (http://annesfunnyfarm.blogspot.com), and I’m visiting from Finding the Funny.

    Seriously. With a house full of teens and critters, all I can handle is a few lame sitcoms that have nothing tied over from one week to the next. I can stare at the TV blankly for 1/2 hour while I drool a little, and twitch my mouth up in one corner when the laugh track sounds.

    Anyway, thanks for posting this. If you’ve never visited yet, I hope you can pop by my blog sometime to say hi…

  10. Bethany says:

    This is hilarious! I felt the same way. We have showtime. One night I was avoiding sex, I mean not tired enough to go to bed, so I gave episode 1 a whirl. 3 episodes later I was deliriously tired and obsessed. The next day I offered my husband sex to watch it with me. I needed to share the experience with someone. And I knew he wouldn’t watch it unless I threw him the sex bone. He was immediately hooked. One night he instigated our kids and got them into trouble so we could send them to bed early and watch an extra episode. It’s the real deal.

    I came from finding the funny too. I don’t remember what number I am. If You Ask a Mom to Meditate. You may find a Homeland reference in my piece. It’s everywhere!!!!

  11. Just started the series, and yes, it’s good. Not obsessively good, but good. You could always Google the plot, so at least you could nod your heads and say, “Yeah, that was great!” at all appropriate times during conversations. Just a thought. 🙂 Great post!

  12. WHAT?!?!?!? You don’t watch Homeland?! I don’t know if you’ve heard but it’s, like, the best show evah! No seriously YOU. SHOULD. WATCH. IT. I’m two weeks behind and I’m all itchy and twitchy. I can’t even imagine your level of discomfort if you don’t watch it AT ALL.

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